Archive for June, 2010

  • If you don’t remember someone, introduce yourself. It is common courtesy.
  • Do not hand your actor bio sheet out to everyone and then tell me you only walked in the background of a Burn Notice scene.
  • Don’t do a white party—it makes you look like a cult or the cast-offs of P. Diddy’s party.
  • Tessa’s first name is not Texas.
  • If you look EXACTLY the same, I will assume you are doing EXACTLY the same. A little living is a good thing.
  • If you shave your back, make sure it is freshly shaved before I pat you and almost get my palm stuck.
  • If someone asks you how your life has been, do not respond with the fact that you have zero percent body fat.
  • If you have plastic surgery, note that on your name tag as a courtesy.
  • All moustaches should be pre-screened through a committee before arriving at venue.
  • An open bar leads to proclamations of love.
  • Don’t listen to a guy who used to bring a fake rock to school when he tells you there are turtles on the beach.
  • Not everyone needs to know you got a vasectomy.
  • Knowing we all look like idiots while dancing to Super Freak a bonding.
  • If someone says they don’t remember you, respond by saying you were the thin, rich popular one.
  • If you are a partner/spouse and I ask you for the fifth time if we had classes together, just go with it.
  • Scope out and find the guy who made his jewelry out of nails; he’s far more interesting than a walking T.J. Max mannequin.
  • Don’t be fooled that Dimension 20 made an impact. No one remembered it! The one person who did swears we sang Eye of the Tiger. Shit.
  • Don’t spit out your drink when someone tells you they were married while we were in high school
  • Celebrate the nerds, cause now is definitely their day.
  • And, of course, be prepared to be bewildered by the genuine people you never knew in high school and feeling that time is dear.
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Who’s Praying For Me?

Posted: June 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

I’ve had a few emails from people praying for my salvation. Because I’ve seen prayer work, and not work–at about the same ratio as not praying, it has not been something that makes an impression on me.

However, for many non-religious, there are things that do impress–action and civil responsiveness.

The god Christians pray to is omniscient; he knows the intent of your prayers. So, instead of praying for me, please, please give money to Haiti. Please mobilize your churches with all their money and labor potential and get down to the Gulf of Mexico, Louisiana, and Florida.

The non-Christians have trumped you, posting on fb and writing article about the spill. If you are doing something, it is not getting press.

Show us that you care about others, the land and animals given to you in the book of Genesis.

I really need to see it. I really need to hear about it. I’m losing faith at the same rate we’re losing oil.