Autopsy of a Reunion: A Helpful Guide

Posted: June 29, 2010 in Uncategorized
  • If you don’t remember someone, introduce yourself. It is common courtesy.
  • Do not hand your actor bio sheet out to everyone and then tell me you only walked in the background of a Burn Notice scene.
  • Don’t do a white party—it makes you look like a cult or the cast-offs of P. Diddy’s party.
  • Tessa’s first name is not Texas.
  • If you look EXACTLY the same, I will assume you are doing EXACTLY the same. A little living is a good thing.
  • If you shave your back, make sure it is freshly shaved before I pat you and almost get my palm stuck.
  • If someone asks you how your life has been, do not respond with the fact that you have zero percent body fat.
  • If you have plastic surgery, note that on your name tag as a courtesy.
  • All moustaches should be pre-screened through a committee before arriving at venue.
  • An open bar leads to proclamations of love.
  • Don’t listen to a guy who used to bring a fake rock to school when he tells you there are turtles on the beach.
  • Not everyone needs to know you got a vasectomy.
  • Knowing we all look like idiots while dancing to Super Freak a bonding.
  • If someone says they don’t remember you, respond by saying you were the thin, rich popular one.
  • If you are a partner/spouse and I ask you for the fifth time if we had classes together, just go with it.
  • Scope out and find the guy who made his jewelry out of nails; he’s far more interesting than a walking T.J. Max mannequin.
  • Don’t be fooled that Dimension 20 made an impact. No one remembered it! The one person who did swears we sang Eye of the Tiger. Shit.
  • Don’t spit out your drink when someone tells you they were married while we were in high school
  • Celebrate the nerds, cause now is definitely their day.
  • And, of course, be prepared to be bewildered by the genuine people you never knew in high school and feeling that time is dear.

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